Post by SI on Jul 3, 2004 18:26:41 GMT -5
This is just too funny. By malmo who needs no introduction. He has been constantly editing it and letsrun is down right now so here is the latest full text version:
The Case Against Marryin' Jonz
You pay for your wife's (Marryin' Jonz) cocaine habit with a check. Later,
she denies any relationship with the local coke dealer, Victor Vector, and
denies knowing about the check.
Soon afterwards, she and her new boyfriend are observed by DEA agents in
Canada, then later in Hawaii, with Chuck Frank, who in 1988 was the kingpin
in one of the most infamous cocaine busts in history. At first, both she and
her boyfriend repeatedly deny knowing Chuck Frank; then when finally
cornered, they admit to knowing Frank and traveling to meet him.
She later admits to knowing Victor Vector, but now claims he was only a
Herbalife rep. She then claims that her fabulous wealth is the reason why a
$7000 check to the local Herbalife rep would go unnoticed. "I'm rich," she
arrogantly boasts, "$7000 may seem like a lot of money to you, but to me,
even $200,000 isn't very much."
Street-smart Marryin' would never pay $7000 to a street vendor for a "Rolex"
watch. She's yet to explain why she paid $7000 for Herbalife products?
No explanation why the need to lie about it either.
In the meantime, Victor Vector is indicted for developing, manufacturing and
selling a previously undetectable isomer of methamphetamine he names
"clear." DEA agents find a ledger detailing the deliveries of cocaine,
heroin, marijuana and "clear" to a dozen high-profile users and convinces a
few of them to turn State's evidence against him--corroborating your wife's
cocaine habit along the way.
Her "daddy", a notorious pimp named Fill Nite, desperately wants to see her
case disappear. He has a huge investment in her, dressing her up in
schoolgirl outfits for the regular johns. She's been one of the most
productive hoes in the stable, despite her addiction to coke and crank. Nite
claims that when she first turned tricks for him Marryin' wasn't on drugs,
therefore, there's no reason for her to be on drugs now--expecting us to
believe that years of wallowing in the gutter with every sleazebag on the
street didn't affect her at all.
Even though Marryin' claims to be powered by Girl Scout cookies and milk,
she offers no logical reason why she takes practice urinalysis tests,
guzzles cranberry juice and Golden Seal, nor why she subscribes to High
Times and donates money to NORML?
Which do you expect us to believe: you fell off a turnip truck, or the rear
door to a fishmonger's truck came ajar and red herrings are scattered all
over town?
The Case Against Marryin' Jonz
You pay for your wife's (Marryin' Jonz) cocaine habit with a check. Later,
she denies any relationship with the local coke dealer, Victor Vector, and
denies knowing about the check.
Soon afterwards, she and her new boyfriend are observed by DEA agents in
Canada, then later in Hawaii, with Chuck Frank, who in 1988 was the kingpin
in one of the most infamous cocaine busts in history. At first, both she and
her boyfriend repeatedly deny knowing Chuck Frank; then when finally
cornered, they admit to knowing Frank and traveling to meet him.
She later admits to knowing Victor Vector, but now claims he was only a
Herbalife rep. She then claims that her fabulous wealth is the reason why a
$7000 check to the local Herbalife rep would go unnoticed. "I'm rich," she
arrogantly boasts, "$7000 may seem like a lot of money to you, but to me,
even $200,000 isn't very much."
Street-smart Marryin' would never pay $7000 to a street vendor for a "Rolex"
watch. She's yet to explain why she paid $7000 for Herbalife products?
No explanation why the need to lie about it either.
In the meantime, Victor Vector is indicted for developing, manufacturing and
selling a previously undetectable isomer of methamphetamine he names
"clear." DEA agents find a ledger detailing the deliveries of cocaine,
heroin, marijuana and "clear" to a dozen high-profile users and convinces a
few of them to turn State's evidence against him--corroborating your wife's
cocaine habit along the way.
Her "daddy", a notorious pimp named Fill Nite, desperately wants to see her
case disappear. He has a huge investment in her, dressing her up in
schoolgirl outfits for the regular johns. She's been one of the most
productive hoes in the stable, despite her addiction to coke and crank. Nite
claims that when she first turned tricks for him Marryin' wasn't on drugs,
therefore, there's no reason for her to be on drugs now--expecting us to
believe that years of wallowing in the gutter with every sleazebag on the
street didn't affect her at all.
Even though Marryin' claims to be powered by Girl Scout cookies and milk,
she offers no logical reason why she takes practice urinalysis tests,
guzzles cranberry juice and Golden Seal, nor why she subscribes to High
Times and donates money to NORML?
Which do you expect us to believe: you fell off a turnip truck, or the rear
door to a fishmonger's truck came ajar and red herrings are scattered all
over town?